June 5th, 2011 - Post #1

Well I guess this will be the best time to begin my blog of Summer 2011, since it’s 9:00PM, which in my mind is too late to walk around this area not fully knowing it yet, and because my internet is not working. It may sound like a trivial thing, but there is really nothing to do around here within walking distance, and I don’t mind being by myself when I can be online. Call me spoiled or just a child of the technology age or reliant on electronics or whatever, but I do feel lost without being able to get on the internet. I tried reading, but don’t have any good books around. There’s a piano in my new apartment, which is great, but the keys are too sticky to actually play. So writing is my next best option, which I guess I don’t mind at all.

So I moved to my new apartment on 110^th and 3^rd in New York City yesterday. To those who are only somewhat familiar with the city, you’d think this is the Upper East Side. To those who know the city a little better, this is Spanish Harlem. And once you’re here, Spanish Harlem it certainly is. Disclaimer: I am not racist, not even a little. But it’s a strange, somewhat uncomfortable feeling to be the only white person walking on the street. Last summer, with a friend of mine, in Bridgeport, CT, it was a little less uncomfortable, because there were also two white people walking on the street; it became kind of a funny, running joke. It’s a little less funny when you’re by yourself, though. I haven’t had any encounters that should make me feel uncomfortable here yet, and my roommate is very nice (she is from Spain), but it’s an eerie, and somewhat humbling feeling to be a minority, and an extreme minority at that. I love diversity, and have always said that, after growing up in an extremely white town, and going to a small, extremely white college, I want to eventually be in a place with a large mix of people of all races, nationalities, religions, etc. Last summer, I thought I’d accomplish that for a couple months in Bridgeport, but that didn’t really end up being the case. It was a lot like being dropped in the middle of Africa (again, nothing against the people living there at all). And what better place for wide varieties of people than New York City. But I guess I wasn’t fully aware that while New York City as a whole is diverse, the neighborhoods are quite homogenous, and that while walking neighborhood to neighborhood may offer a nice mix of cultures, being set within a single neighborhood is a lot like being set in the middle of another country. Which is actually an incredible experience, besides the strange looks from the other people of that “country” and that I end up feeling like an international tourist.

As a side note, to further emphasize the fact that I am not racist, and embrace other cultures, my original plan for this summer was to volunteer at an orphanage in Ghana, where I obviously would be have a minority once again. This is something that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. Maybe subconsciously, I enjoy being the minority. Or maybe, it is something that bothers me, and I’m subconsciously trying to get over it. Who knows?

Anyway, I am here this summer because I’ll be working for Visiting Nurse Services of New York (VNSNY), at a children’s mental health clinic in the South Bronx. According to the woman in charge of Child Services through VNSNY, the neighborhood that the clinic is in is the most distressed in the New York City area, and top 5 most distressed in the country. I’m not sure whether or not she was just trying to be honest, trying to prepare me, trying to scare me away, or all of the above, but I’m pretty sure that the children in that area are pretty troubled. I can imagine it will make for an eye-opening, challenging, and hopefully rewarding experience. Similar to what I was expecting while mentally preparing for my trip to Africa, these kids have been through things that I, or many of us, probably can’t even imagine. And while I really want to help, and will try to do everything I can to act as a resource for them, I definitely have my doubts. While I may not be able to fully relate to what they’ve gone through, or are going through still, what I can provide is a sense of constancy that they surely do not get at home. If they can come to the clinic every day, and see that the same people keep coming back to help them, and that people do actually care, who knows what that can do to a child’s outlook on life.

When explaining what I’d be doing to my uncle, he asked if I really thought I’d make a difference, and whether or not clinics like this are actually worth it. “You really think a clinic is going to help children out of the South Bronx and get them into a healthy, successful lifestyle?” I told him that even if I could help one kid this summer, I’d be happy. Yet, I wasn’t really sure if that was true or not. I’m here for 3 months, and helping one child enough to eventually be able to get out of the lifestyle their in…is that really fulfilling enough for me? I brought this topic up to my other aunt and uncle, both teachers for 25+ years. And they assured me, without a doubt in their mind, that helping a SINGLE child, in ANY period of time, is a success. One child helped, is one more child helped than before anyone stepped in. A small difference made, is still making a difference.

I’m hoping that once I get started, I’ll feel a little more purpose in living in this area. And hopefully that will help me deal with the strangeness I feel of living here in the first place. And I really believe that any experience that not only gently pushes you out of your comfort zone, but forcefully throws you out of it, is an experience worth having.

And I LOVE pickles. Like, I really enjoy eating a good, Kosher, dill pickle. But one time, I went a little overboard, and ate probably about 40 of those little mini pickles, and had no desire to go near a pickle for months after. I’m beginning to feel that way about living in a place like this. I have no problem at all with Latino music. But I really hope that I can continue to deal with it, after 3 more months of being woken up by people riding bikes with a 1980s boom box attached to the back blaring latino music. It’ll sure be an experience, if nothing else.

I love New York City, and have wanted to live here for years. And now I’m here, and getting settled in. It’s not ideally where I wanted to be, but this is just one part of the city, and I respect the differences and uniqueness of the many neighborhoods. Maybe I just have to take some time to find the neighborhood that’s best for me. And maybe that doesn’t mean the one that I’m most comfortable in at first. An open mind is my major goal for this summer, as it was for last summer.

If my internet were working, I’d start brushing up on my Spanish. Not so I can fluently speak it, but so I can at least understand what people are saying as I’m walking around. That’s something we take for granted a lot…being able to listen to and understand what people around us are saying. I’m sure I’ll notice a lot of things I take for granted being here. And that’s definitely not a bad thing.